A Derp & Fetch membership

Fresh toys on rotation. Good deeds on repeat.

Your dog gets a box of clean, seriously durable enrichment toys on loan. They play. You send back what they are done with and keep whatever they fell in love with. Then it happens again.

Borrow. Play. Return. Repeat.

Borrow. A curated stack of enrichment toys shows up at your door.
Play. Your dog does the reviewing. Loudly.
Return. Send back what they are done with in the prepaid mailer.
Repeat. A whole new box of problems to solve.

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Your dog solved that puzzle in nine minutes.

Enrichment toys have one honest flaw. They work great, right up until your dog figures them out. Then the $30 puzzle that was going to change your life becomes a thing you step over on the way to the kitchen.

Buying twelve puzzles to keep one smart dog busy is expensive, and it fills a bin you will eventually feel bad about.

So do not buy twelve. Borrow them.

Same dog. New obsession. Every time.

A fresh mix of puzzles, feeders, and durable chews on a rhythm you pick. Your dog never gets bored, because the box keeps changing.

No more toy graveyard.

The bin stays empty. The closet stays closed. You keep the winners and send the rest back to be loved by another good dog.

Try way more than you would ever buy.

Sample the whole catalog for less than the cost of hoarding it. Adopt only the toys that earn it.

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Think library book, not hand-me-down.

Every toy comes back, gets a deep clean and full sanitizing, and gets inspected before it ever ships again. Anything that cannot go back out safely retires from circulation for good.

Our whole collection is durable, non-porous, US-made nylon, rubber, and silicone. No plush, no fabric, nothing that holds onto anything. These are toys built to be cleaned.

A little honest scuffing just means a toy has been well loved. Like a paperback with a cracked spine. The story still slaps.

Deep cleaned. Sanitized. Ready to play.

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Six steps, and four of them are just your dog having a great time.

1. Pick a tier and a rhythm.
Two, three, or four toys per box. Every other month or monthly. No quiz, no sizing questionnaire, no twelve-question onboarding about your dog's personality type. Change it whenever you want.

2. Your first box arrives, with your library card.
A curated stack of enrichment toys on loan, plus a keep-forever welcome treat that is yours from day one. The card is the little printed one in the box. It is also how we keep track of what your dog has already seen, so you are not getting the same puzzle back to back.

3. Your dog goes to work.
This part takes care of itself.

4. Your next box shows up with a prepaid mailer inside.
No printing labels. No going to the post office and standing behind someone mailing a mattress. The mailer is already in the box, already paid for.

5. Keep the favorites. Send back the rest.
Anything your dog fell in love with, you can adopt and keep forever. $9 for small and medium toys, $12 for large. Everything else goes in the mailer and gets dropped off. You have 14 days from when your next box ships.

6. We clean, inspect, and put them back in circulation.
Toys that are too loved to loan get a final deep clean and go to shelter dogs.

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Pick your dog's reading level.

Same curated box, same standard for what makes the cut. The tiers just change how much shows up and how much goes back out into the world.

Every other month (the easy rhythm) — a steady stream of new toys without the pile-up. Plenty of time for your dog to fully exhaust a box before the next one lands.
Monthly — for the dog who solves everything by Thursday.
Same price per box either way. Cadence is just how often it shows up. Switch whenever you want.

One box, honestly described.

We send the same curated stack to everyone. No sizing quiz, no breed profile. That keeps it simple and keeps the price where it is, and it means we curate for the middle: medium dogs, roughly 25 to 70 pounds, the labs and doodles and mutts of the world.

If your dog is very small or very large, most of the box will still be great, and the occasional item will be easier or harder for them to love. We would rather tell you that now than have you find out in month two.

Your first box comes with a little something that is yours to keep.

Every new member's first delivery includes a keep-forever treat or chew. It does not go back in the mailer. It is not on loan. It is just yours, because you said yes.

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Fetch It Forward

When a toy is too loved to loan, it goes to a dog who needs one.

Every toy in the Library eventually reaches the end of its lending life. When it does, it does not go in the trash. It gets one last deep clean and goes to shelter dogs who could use something good to chew on.

That is the whole loop. Your dog plays. The toy gets a second life. A shelter dog wins.

More on our giving program soon. We are not going to announce a number until we can back it up.

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Circular, not disposable.

One toy, many dogs, over and over. The mailers are recycled. The insert is recycled stock. The toys get reused until they cannot safely be reused, and then they go to a shelter instead of a bin.

We are not going to lecture you about plastic. We just built the thing so there is less of it.

Cancel anytime. No contract, no minimum, no "call us to cancel" nonsense.
Skip or pause anytime. Traveling, overstocked, or your dog is on strike? Push the box.
Destroyed it? Not a problem. Send the pieces back. You owe nothing. That is what durable toys are for.

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Questions, answered

Wait, are these toys other dogs have played with?
Yes, and that is the whole point. Think library book, not hand-me-down. Every toy comes back to us, gets a deep clean and full sanitizing, and gets inspected before it ships again. We only stock durable, non-porous, US-made nylon, rubber, and silicone. Nothing plush, nothing fabric, nothing that soaks anything up. If a toy cannot be fully cleaned or is past its safe life, it never goes back into circulation.

What if my dog destroys a toy?
Send back the pieces and you owe nothing. Seriously. We retire it and move on. We only bill for toys that do not come back at all. We would rather you let your dog play like a maniac than hover over them worrying about a $9 charge.

How does keeping a toy work?
We call it adopting, because that is more or less what happens. If your dog falls in love with something, just do not put it in the mailer, and we will bill the adoption fee to your card on file. $9 for small and medium toys, $12 for large. Goodest Dog members get $2 off every adoption. That price sits well under what the same toy costs in the store, which is one of the quieter perks of being a member.

What happens if I forget to send a toy back?
After 14 days from when your next box ships, anything still at your house is automatically adopted and billed at the normal fee. Which is a formal way of saying: if you forget, you just own it now. No late fees, no penalty, no guilt. The toy is yours. We will send one friendly heads-up before the clock runs out, and that is the last you will hear about it.

Is shipping included?
Yes, both directions. The price you see is the price. Your box ships free and the return mailer inside it is already paid for. US only for now, which is mostly about keeping that return leg affordable.

When does my card get charged?
You are billed each time a box ships, so monthly members pay twelve times a year and every-other-month members pay six. Same price per box either way. Adoption charges are separate and only happen after we get your mailer back and see what stayed with you.

How long do I get to keep the toys?
Until your next box shows up, plus 14 days. So an every-other-month membership means roughly two months with a box before anything needs to head back. There is no rush and no daily due date. The mailer arriving is the reminder.

Is there a limit on how many toys I can adopt?
Nope. Adopt the whole box if your dog makes a compelling enough case. We will just refill the collection and send you a fresh mix next time.

What if something shows up damaged, or the box is missing an item?
Email us within a few days and we will fix it, no return needed. We inspect everything before it ships, but boxes get handled roughly and we would rather hear about it than have you shrug and eat it.

How does the return shipping work?
Your next box arrives with a prepaid mailer already inside. Put in whatever you are done with, seal it, and drop it off. No printing, no paying, no label wrangling. If yours gets lost or wrecked, email us and we will sort it out.

Can I skip a box or pause?
Anytime, from your account. Traveling, drowning in toys, or your dog is going through a phase where only the one specific squeaky carrot matters? Push it. Skipping is normal and we would rather you skip than cancel.

Can I cancel?
Anytime, from your account, in about two clicks. No contract, no minimum number of boxes, no phone call. Just send back whatever is still on loan and you are square.

What if my dog is really small or really big?
Everyone gets the same curated box, and we curate for the middle of the pack, roughly 25 to 70 pounds. Most items work well across a wide range. If your dog is at either extreme, expect most of the box to land and the occasional item to be a stretch. We would rather set that expectation up front than sell you a surprise.

Will my dog get the same toy twice?
Not back to back. Your library card tracks what has already been to your house, so every box is a fresh mix. Over a long enough membership a favorite might come back around, which is usually a good day for everybody.

Can I request specific toys or tell you what my dog hates?
Not at launch. One universal box is what keeps this simple enough for us to actually run well, and simple is what keeps the price where it is. Tell us anyway though. We read everything, and it shapes what we buy next.

How is this different from just buying the toys?
Cost and clutter, but mostly clutter. A box costs less than buying the same toys outright, and the real savings show up over a year: you are not paying to own twelve puzzles your dog solved and abandoned. You are paying for novelty on tap. And if your dog does fall for something, you can adopt it and it is yours.

What is in a box, exactly?
A balanced stack, so a box never feels like three versions of the same idea. The three-toy Very Good Dog box is typically one puzzle or treat dispenser, one durable chew-style item, and one lick mat, slow feeder, or fetch item. Two-toy and four-toy boxes scale from there.

Do you ship outside the US?
Not yet. US only for now, which is mostly about the return leg being affordable.

Am I locked into a cadence?
No. Switch between every other month and monthly whenever you want, from your account. Same price per box either way.

Who is behind this?
Derp & Fetch is a small Minnesota operation that started with one very good, very ridiculous dog named Luna. The Fetch Library is us taking the same standard we use for the store — every toy earns its spot — and turning it into something circular. Every box is packed by an actual person who cares whether your dog likes it.

How do I get in touch?
Email derpandfetch@gmail.com. A real human answers, usually the same day.

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